Extracts from 'Lily'
I’ve been to a marvellous séance
And met some delectable shades.
The Medium said
That I’m brilliant in bed
And suggested they issue me grades.
We table-tapped until midnight
And tarot packed until four
And they kindly predicted when sozzled on gin
That, given my gifts, I’ll be living in sin
On the Ile St-Louis with a rather large Finn.
Oh, I couldn’t have enjoyed it more!
I’ve been to a marvellous séance.
We kept our identities mum.
I was wearing a mask
And a rather tight basque.
They all said they were glad I had come.
Conversation turned to the corset
And one of them proved quite a bore
For he ogled my cleavage till blue in the face
And asked why my breasts were all smothered in lace
And tried to unhook me, and swallowed his brace.
Oh, I couldn’t have enjoyed it more!
I’ve been to a marvellous séance.
The ectoplasm was brill.
It soon took the shape
Of a rather gross ape
Which made me feel terribly ill.
We started to talk about artists
And I was quite shocked to the core
When it moved from discussion of Vince Van Gogh’s ear
To go on to suggest that they tattoo my rear
With a fan by Cézanne and a doubtful Vermeer.
Oh, I couldn’t have enjoyed it more!
Lilymix 1
There was a young person from Ealing
Who gave Lil’s bottom a feeling.
She cried, “I have class
So please unhand my ass.
You are setting my cami-knicks reeling.”
Lilymix 2
A struggling young sculptor – a Chilean,
Thought Lily was one in a million.
On seeing the facts
He set about her with wax
And soon gave our dear Lil a Brazilian.
Lilymix 3
There was an old vicar from Chester
Who frowned at Lil’s habits and blessed her.
She was so shocked
That she got him defrocked,
That lucky old cleric from Chester.
